hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
