I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
