highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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