you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
