TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
