Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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