Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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