I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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