i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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