im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
