his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Holy shit dude........stairs
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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