When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
