Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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