Yo dont text me then not text me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
