I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
