Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
