Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are the jesus of drinking
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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