idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
