I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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