dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
