You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
