well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i drank out of a bidet.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
