that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
