I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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