you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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