He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
