just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
