So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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