Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
