I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
