i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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