New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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