I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
