he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
