if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
