He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
