I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize