Quick, to the slutcave!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
