I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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