Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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