i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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