I need to stop coming to work sober
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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