I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
