I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
