Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
