I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
