Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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