Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
