just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want nice things and good sex
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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