is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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