someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize