I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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