i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
