This show inspires me to have sex in space
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
