I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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