Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
