It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
