Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
