you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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