she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i think i have two assholes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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