As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
