Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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