Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
