why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
