Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
