Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
